Six years ago, I was “happily” married to my beautiful wife, Katie Burke. I was doing all of the things that I thought I needed to do, or rather, that I was conditioned to believe were the actions taken by someone when they are 23 and successful and married. I was working 60 hours a week, making a lot of money, traveling as much as I needed to for work in order to continue to provide. I’d spend my emotional, mental, and physical energy mostly on my job and on my/our future, and whatever energy was leftover was being directed into my own relaxation, which hopefully aligned with whatever Katie needed to feed her bodies. In other words, things were “just fine.”
When Katie began to express to me more directly that she was unhappy with our relationship, I felt attacked. I felt as though her expectations were simply misaligned because I loved her and was doing everything I could to support us. I would say things like, “We made promises to support each other. I’m supporting you by working SO HARD and making SO MANY sacrifices to make sure that we have money to do all of the things that we both want to do. I take you on dates and we plan vacations. How can you be unhappy? Don’t you see this is the way that it has to be to do this life together?” Totally blaming her for her emotions.
I would re-articulate conversations, word by word, so that I would “understand” what she was talking about. I would use my perceived skill of manipulating conversations to get the outcomes I wanted, asking questions that I always knew the answers to in order to continue my charge forward into winning whatever “silly” argument she was bringing to me.
I loved Katie. At least that is what I told her and what I told myself. “But, I love you baby! You know that. Why are you questioning it? It’s so hurtful.” It was so, so, so easy for me to turn any issue that Katie was having into a situation where I was the victim. Like, really easy and really effective.
Basically, I would do anything in my arsenal as a defense mechanism to avoid turning my awareness back around to view myself. I did this not because I really did not want to see myself, but rather because I did not believe that I knew how. I refused to embrace Katie because she was asking me to do something that I did not perceive myself to have the capabilities to do. Seeing it with my eyes now, I was scared of admitting to my self that I had made mistakes. Because, in my subconscious mind at the time, admitting that I had made mistakes would throw into question all of the other things that I believed about myself and all of the decisions that I had made.
I now know that everything that happens in my life is simply a reflection on my inner state. So it is with this profound knowledge that I make the following statements.
Katie was ruthless. She was dually in a place of complete inner and outer love while being steadfast in her perspective of her own sovereignty. This lasted for a about nine months in its most intense form. Whereas earlier in our relationship I would have simply seen her as the problem, her as the one putting up a wall, she was so consistently in this paradoxical state that eventually I perceived myself to be the one building walls around my self, which of course what was basically happening.
I recall several conversations where I started to see Katie as both my enemy and my mentor in the same moment. She wanted something for herself that was so right, but for me to participate in the love that she was creating, I would need to CHANGE…my perspective. This was a duality that forced me to choose which version of Katie I would perceive.
This was the first time this threshold that was encountered in our relationship. It wouldn’t and won’t be the last, but it was certainly the most profound, so far! Katie, through the mastery of love, compassion, sovereignty, and fundamental intuitive knowledge of the reality within which we exist, was the mirror that I needed to get a glimpse of the freedom, and to more accurately see the prison that I was creating for myself.
This inner shift was not the end, it was really the beginning. Soon after, things started accelerating. And in my experience this is where many, many people “fall off the boat.” They will say, “I’ve had my enlightening moment, so why isn’t this so easy now?” For me, I was fortunate to be in a sacred partnership with someone who was able to hold the perspective far beyond the emotions experienced, while somehow still experiencing them.
My acceleration included facing self doubt. Facing jealousy. We put tests in place for each other, and for ourselves, consciously and subconsciously, in order to move faster into the reality that we were co-creating together.
These challenges became my strengths. My self-doubt became my vulnerability. My jealousy became my divine masculinity. My propensity to control became my ability to manifest.
Vulnerability, specifically, allowed me to begin to open my heart in the way that is so intuitive to many women, and in a way that is so threatening to most people stuck in cultural masculine definitions.
The end result of this is clarity. It is abundance. It is the idea of being able to be completely adaptable. Of being self-reliant while seeking help. It is strength.
Once these changes within me became more anchored, I was able to bring them into the world that I perceived. Or rather, these shifts were reflected back at me.
And so here I AM. Not complete but completely complete, not perfect but perfectly perfect, seeing that the journey itself is the idea of perfect completion, and that the perspective on any given situation is what I can always control. I have not lost my sense of needing control in as much as I have found something much more foundational to control. I don’t get jealous because there is nothing to be jealous of when you are in a state of abundance. I don’t feel the dense, dense sadness of shame because that is never a perspective that I will ever choose to have.
If you’ve read this and are thinking, “That’s great, but my partner could never do this.” Well, then they won’t. Congratulations, you’ve manifested exactly what you intended.
Katie was STEADFAST in what she wanted. And although I am flawed, we now have a foundation that is so, so tested that it is a thing that gives us both strength; a third partner in the relationship that is there for either of us when we need it, so long as we feed it.
Katie was awake and I was still asleep. That’s all. No further judgement needs to be made with our relationship or with yours. Katie simply did not allow my fears to integrate into her awareness. She saw me projecting, and refused to be that projection. This is really all that she could do, and all that she needed to do: be her self, and be sovereign.
Since this experience, my awareness of other people’s relationships has exploded open. Most of the time when I hear someone talking about their partner, it is a fearful projection of their own state, and their partner is not being the mirror that the person is really asking for. Instead, the partner is playing along, playing the part of the screenplay written in someone else’s mind.
In this course, I am going to be as vulnerable and direct as I have ever been in my life. There are ways in which you can understand emotions, thoughts, ideas, actions, etc. in a way that is profoundly impactful on YOUR projections and YOUR reality.
This course is NOT about “How to make your man the man you want him to be.” That’s literally the same thing as many men do to women. This is about true freedom, which can manifest in the form of a Sacred Partnership – with yourself, with your current or future partner, and with the reality that you are creating.