I’ve been resisting in sharing my writing lately. Really really resisting. I’ve felt like there is nothing to share, which isn’t the truth. In truth, there are so many stories and sensations to share that I’ve been resisting to write and especially to publish.
This resistance in my expression feels like pouting. A bit sad, definitely melancholy and quiet. I start to listen and ask questions. “What version of myself is pouting? Can you show yourself to me?” And this week it was the shadow of myself in my younger 20s.
I’d like to clarify this practice within myself. I did not create it. And I learned some of my process from my mentor, Kaia Ra who introduced me to my genius inner child. The book by Teal Swan “The Completion Process” is also a wonderful resource that goes through a step-by-step process that is very similar. Essentially, this how I prefer to do my personal shadow work.
I found myself mindlessly wandering the cosmetic aisles of Target which I haven’t done in years. Slowly I’d pick up the brightly lit products and read the copywriting on the back. I saw the shampoo I used in college on a lower shelf, picked it up, popped the cap and inhaled the smell and I felt myself time travel so vividly my eyes started watering. I bought the shampoo and drove home. I washed my hair and cried.
I didn’t know what was wrong and what this shadow version of myself wanted me to integrate, but I could feel washing my hair with this five dollar shampoo was allowing her to feel comfortable enough to soften. The shower was always the place she could go to be alone with her feelings. Slowly a few memories here and there started surfacing to be seen.
This dialogue between this shadow and myself has been going on for days. A lot of breathing with my hands on my belly, listening and then asking “how do you feel about that?” There is a lot of disappointment in how long it has taken to embody a feeling of forgiveness and safety within myself. I meet this disappointment with compassion and “Om Mani Padme Hum, Om Mani Padme Hum, Om Mani Padme Hum.”
Essentially what is coming up is this… It’s time to be seen. This younger version of myself is upset I kept her hidden away, and now she wants an active role in assisting the woman I am now in the role of being seen. She wants to be channeled through the current version of myself and activated as a key player in how I work. She also needs a lot of love and reminders of worthiness and safety.
If you are looking for support in this process and building the temple inside of your heart for this kind of soul retrieval and integration I would be honored to help. We can get on the phone and explore if any of my 1:1 offerings including my mentorship container would be appropriate for you. Email me at email@example.com or explore my website and I’d be happy to talk if you are interested in investing in your Self this winter.